How to Change Yourself

How to Change Yourself?

Changing oneself means identifying the flaws, shortcomings, and weaknesses within and making efforts to improve them. The journey of self-improvement is essentially a journey of bettering oneself. Without changing oneself, the world cannot be changed. To change the world, you must first change yourself.

Humans are a combination of strengths and weaknesses. No one can possess only virtues, nor can anyone be entirely made up of flaws. Everyone has some weakness somewhere. If you look into the lives of any great person and examine their success, you will realize that they were either born great or acquired greatness from somewhere, or they began their journey towards greatness at some point. When they started their journey, no one could have imagined that one day they would achieve greatness because when they took their first step, it wasn’t clear that such a long journey would be completed. However, it was their passion and determination that made them complete such a long journey.

Anyone who wishes to reach somewhere seeks advice, asks for directions, chooses the right path, makes mistakes along the way, learns from those mistakes, and eventually reaches their destination.

Some people are under the illusion that they are perfect and have no flaws. There are many reasons for this mindset. Sometimes a certain position, job, or rank makes them self-centered and arrogant. For example, administrative officers, whether they like it or not, tend to adopt this attitude due to the nature of their profession. However, while adopting this attitude is essential during the job, it is equally important to leave it behind in personal and family life. If this professional demeanor becomes permanent, it causes discomfort to the people around them. Those who carry their professional attitude into their personal life often want their family members to recognize their office authority. This approach neither allows them to perform better at work nor bring them closer to their loved ones.

A large number of people do not have the attitude to identify their own mistakes. Most people are not ready to admit their mistakes. These individuals are adamant in their belief that they are right, and the whole world is wrong. When a person possesses the mindset that the whole world is wrong and only they are right, there is no room left for improvement. Improvement is only possible for those who seek it, who wish to reform themselves, and who acknowledge that despite all their wisdom and status, they have some flaw or another.

The harm of not changing oneself is that a person develops arrogance. Arrogance is an attack of the ego. When the ego becomes strong, it leads to self-conceit. No human being can be perfect. Only Allah Almighty and His Messenger (PBUH) are perfect. A person can only move toward improvement by acknowledging that they are not perfect. When someone adopts a mindset of perfection, they fall into the misconception that they are flawless and that everything they say is absolutely right. Such individuals eventually develop a sense of self-righteousness.

Some people are unable to let go of their bad habits. The reason is that they are unaware of the harms of these bad habits. Once they realize the consequences of their wrongdoings, it becomes easier to abandon them. However, some people don’t even see their own faults. This happens because they are dependent on mirrors. Without mirrors, they can’t recognize their flaws.

Some individuals change themselves, but when they see negativity in society, they become disheartened. Such people should reflect on whether they have the courage to fight for the truth. Can they speak up for what is right, or do they merely resent evil in their hearts? A person who changes themselves should show enough transformation in their behavior that those around them are influenced by their change. After all, one step forward leads to the creation of a journey.

What kind of change is it if it doesn’t affect those around you? Hazrat Wasif Ali Wasif once said, “Love those who are disliked, and their character will change.”

A person who is not very strong, even if they have changed themselves, can still be influenced by negative people. Such a person should keep the company of good and positive individuals. Those who have some inspiration in their life change more quickly. Inspiration means that these people have been influenced by someone. If you are inspired by someone’s actions, knowledge, character, thinking, or ideology, then change becomes easier. Inspiration is a hallmark of prophets and messengers. Allah bestows spirituality upon certain individuals. Sitting in the company of such people changes the state of one’s heart. When a person sits in their gathering, they receive their love, are affected by their kindness, and as a result, start to change.

People are fortunate when they get the companionship of great individuals. However, some people have the opportunity to be in the company of remarkable individuals, yet they don’t change. This, to some extent, is also a matter of destiny. Good fortune is when good people come into one’s life, and because of their company, one experiences a transformation they never even imagined. Some people fear change. They may have gone through experiences in life that leave them without the courage to change. This fear is baseless. Every person in the world who observes change thinks about it as well.

Today, change management is being taught to help people navigate shifting circumstances. Companies are changing the ways they hire employees, the methods of getting work done are evolving, and even the ideas about work are changing. Darwin said that, according to the history of all species, only those who accepted change survived. Those who accept change succeed. Businessmen who don’t adapt their businesses to the changing times see their businesses fail. A person who wants to embrace change but fears it should at least take one step towards it because taking the first step reduces the intensity of fear.

We read the story “His First Flight” in childhood. In this story, despite fear, the seagull’s mother pushes her baby off the edge. On the surface, it seems like a cruel act, but in reality, because of this apparent cruelty, the seagull learns to fly. A person who doesn’t conquer their fear cannot progress.

What Can You Give to the World?

Our abilities and skills are useless until they benefit the world. In human history, only those people are considered intelligent and successful who, after discovering their own personality and natural talents, used those abilities to benefit the world. Therefore, after discovering yourself, your most important task should be to ponder this question: “How can I benefit humanity with my abilities?” In the first stage, when you explore your personality, you find the source of true happiness. In the second stage, when you become beneficial to the world, this happiness begins to multiply.

Ask yourself, “How can you meet the needs of the world?” Once you find the answer to this question, you will realize that you are living your life with a purpose. This realization will provide you with energy, and you will be ready to face life’s challenges with joy and determination. So, think about what you want to give to the world. What changes do you want to bring to this world? How can your skills serve humanity?

Generally, during school or college years, such questions seem very tiresome. Moreover, we often don’t realize our abilities and interests until we start doing something.

A person might say that there is too much poverty, too many difficulties. In such a case, they should manage with whatever they have but at least begin somewhere. The essence of a success story is that a person moves from “minus” to “plus.”

A positive change means that first, one must cultivate a positive mindset. If the thinking is positive, then the ideology will be positive. If the ideology is positive, the attitude will be positive. If the attitude is positive, the actions will be positive, and when actions are positive, the result will also be positive. To achieve a positive outcome, one needs a positive change. Without this positive change, no positive outcome will emerge.

There was a time when mobile phones were significantly larger compared to their current size. With advancements in technology, their size gradually reduced, and now we have phones so compact that carrying them in some cases is even restricted in airplanes. The world has moved from large mobile phones to smart ones. When things are changing so rapidly, humans also need to change. This change is part of the natural system of the universe. All natural phenomena are constantly changing and evolving. Thus, if we do not change ourselves, we will not be able to perceive a changed world.

Due to the fast pace of technological advancements, many tasks that used to take years just a few decades ago can now be completed in a few months. This is because communication and information-sharing tools have become so vast and advanced that if someone has a good idea, they can reach new heights in a very short time. Facebook was an idea, Google was an idea, WhatsApp was an idea, YouTube was an idea. These ideas have made people billionaires in just a few days. The world has moved onto websites in just a few years. If someone wants to buy a car, they can visit a website and find a great one. One phone call can have food delivered to your doorstep. Despite all of this, there are still people who say that these are all just theoretical ideas. These people lack courage and capacity and refuse to acknowledge the success of others due to the bitterness in their hearts. To change oneself, one must break the chains of this bitterness.

Allah’s greatest blessing is guidance, and guidance is granted to those who seek it. The one who seeks guidance is someone who has the desire for it. The one who seeks guidance is the one who wants to change themselves. The one who seeks guidance is someone who has the courage to embrace change. Whoever believes they do not need guidance will never be guided. Try waking up in the late hours of the night and shedding tears before Allah. Bow your forehead in prostration and ask Allah for guidance. Put your complete trust in Allah and see what happens. Call upon Allah sincerely from your heart and see the results. Allah says, “Is there anyone…?”

When you call upon your Lord with complete faith and yearning, saying, “My Lord, my sins are countless, my shortcomings are many, my flaws are numerous, but I know You are Merciful, You are the Most Compassionate and Most Forgiving. My Lord, pull me out of this whirlpool. Rescue me from this battle with myself. Save me from this struggle with my desires. Free me from the swamp of sins.”

When you place your trust in Allah and take one step toward Him, He comes ten steps toward you. When you walk toward Him, He runs toward you.

Renewal of Life

Life constantly demands renewal. Everything requires periodic refinement and improvement. There are several aspects of our lives that we never even consider renewing. Anthropology, the study of human behavior, tells us that when humans first came into this world, they faced countless challenges. The greatest of these challenges was survival. At night, if ten people went to sleep, by morning, two or three would be missing. It would turn out that a wild animal had carried them off. Similarly, while people sat together, a snake might slither by and bite one of them, leading to death. Back then, there was no way to save them. This went on for a long time. When humans couldn’t find solutions to these problems, they began to view them as deities. This was the era when humans believed that perhaps the wind was God, or the giant mountains were gods, or maybe fire itself was a god.

Then, as human beings began to develop some awareness, they started thinking about ways to ensure their survival. For instance, people would dig a trench around their sleeping area so that if a snake came, it would fall into the pit. This was the beginning of human survival strategies and the first instance of renewal. The early challenges awakened human instinct, the instinct to face problems. Just as humans faced challenges, so did other creatures. For example, a bird’s nest would be destroyed by a storm, but other creatures lacked the ability for renewal. God had ingrained the instinct for self-preservation in all creatures except humans. Hence, they didn’t need to learn this skill through effort for their survival.

Humans are the only beings on earth who consciously chose to face their challenges. It was because of this quality that humans were named “Ashraf al-Makhluqat” (the highest of all creatures). Today, humans have largely overcome these challenges. They have invented medicines that can treat diseases that once wiped out entire populations. Humans found solutions to their problems, while no other creature could. Even today, cats eat grass to cure an upset stomach, and donkeys roll in the dirt to relieve itching. Lions still live the same way they did when the world was created. Birds still build their nests the same way they did thousands of years ago. In short, no change has come to their ways.

Instinct and Disposition

Humanity’s unique instinct has shaped the unique disposition of humans. However, unlike instinct, human disposition has not only changed throughout the ages but is also different for every individual. To achieve success in life, it is essential to study human disposition. To understand human disposition, one must study human history. To learn about the origins of disposition, one should study the life of Prophet Adam (peace be upon him). From this, one will learn what his approach to life was. To understand the pinnacle of disposition, one should study the blessed life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). From this, you will understand what true greatness is.

If you want to learn how to forgive someone, observe how the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to forgive. If you make a promise, see how the Prophet (peace be upon him) fulfilled his promises. His blessed life will teach you the importance of being good to those who may not treat you well, the necessity of forgiving those who wrong you, and how essential it is to renew oneself. You will learn the significance of seeking advice before making decisions and the importance of planning in life. In short, whether it concerns any aspect of life, the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) serves as a perfect model.

The Power of Will and Decision

Allah has bestowed the fundamental attribute of will exclusively to humans. No other creature in the world possesses this trait. Humans are the only beings who, by the power of their will, made their way to the moon. They are the only ones who have invented airplanes to fly in the sky, and have reached the speed of microwaves. Talent, communication, travel, medicine, transmission, housing, knowledge, education, books, and technology—these are all blessings Allah has given to humans, and they came into existence due to the strength of human will.

There are countless people whose parents pass away when they are still children. Despite this, they stand firm in the face of the most intense challenges of life, and one day they show the world that they are successful. Some tell the world that despite not having formal education, they became business magnates like Bill Gates, or despite not going to school, they became scientists like Newton.

The firmness of will compels humans to renew themselves and move forward. Humans never desire to remain in one place; they always strive to become better and better. If, for instance, today you are stuck in five major problems, five years later you will realize that those problems have long been resolved. No matter the nature of the problems, humans learn to live and adapt despite them. For example, if a person loses a leg, they will begin walking with a prosthetic leg. This means they have stood up to the challenge and proven that even without a leg, they can still move forward.

Problems are a Blessing

Problems bring out a person’s willpower. They provide an opportunity for renewal. Today, no one would want to go back a hundred years, and not even a few years back. As one wise person said, humanity has scratched and clawed its way to where it is today, and there is no desire for a return. Ranjit Singh understood the importance of renewal, which is why he said, “I will not let my women beg; I will educate them.” This is why the Sikh community has the lowest number of beggars today, because they understood how essential it is for women to be educated. There are successful people in the world whose fathers were not educated, but their mothers were, and as a result, all the children were educated and became successful. The reason was that the mother’s awareness was passed down to the children. We often want to avoid problems. When a person runs away from problems, their willpower never emerges. Children who grow up in sheltered environments do not progress much because they never face challenges that could push them to discover their inner strength and put it to use. Thus, when they step into the real world and face problems, they flee.

The Downfall of Today’s Youth

I observe that when college admissions begin, 18-year-olds come with their mothers to collect the prospectus. I think, on one hand, there was a 17-year-old who traveled hundreds of miles with an army of thousands and conquered Sindh—Muhammad bin Qasim—and on the other hand, there is today’s young Muslim. The significant difference between that youth and today’s is that Muhammad bin Qasim had the power of will and decision, while today’s youth lack this gift. If, even at the age of 30, someone cannot make decisions without consulting their parents, it means they have no decision-making ability. Why? Because they were never taught this skill.

A person progresses in life through the power of decision-making. Without the strength of will and the ability to make decisions, even at the age of seventy, one remains a child. Willpower and decision-making abilities only surface when problems arise. It is in these moments that a person is compelled to renew themselves. When a person realizes that they possess great strength and power, they begin to use it.

In contrast, those whose willpower is dormant or inactive are the ones who have not faced challenges and difficulties in life. They tend to avoid life’s problems. As Allama Iqbal says, “Do not keep it sheltered and protected.”

The first reward Allah grants to those who face challenges is that their willpower comes to the forefront.

Renewal in Islam

Islam presents the most beautiful concept of renewal through repentance (Tawbah). Allah Almighty says that He loves it dearly. Throughout life, a person has the opportunity for renewal. No matter how sinful a person may be, even if they are drowning in a sea of sins, if they feel in their heart that they should return, they must repent. When one’s intellect is not improving their life, they should not overestimate their own wisdom at that moment. It is not a time to claim great intelligence. In such a situation, renewal is not possible. The pinnacle of intellect is peace in life. Peace means that wherever a person is, their mind is also there. There should be no thoughts of the past or worries about the future in the mind.

When intellect truly arrives, its greatest sign is that it becomes free from the burdens of the past and future. If time is ever wasted or a mistake is made in life, immediately seek renewal. It is okay; this happens to humans because humans are forgetful creatures. The word “insaan” (human) comes from “nisyan,” meaning forgetfulness, indicating that humans are beings prone to forgetting. If a person does not remember their Creator five times a day, they will begin to forget their Creator. That is why one must remember Him five times a day.

If resources in life are ever wasted, immediately bow down in prostration and renew yourself. The best time for renewal is when a person remembers their sins and feels ashamed. This is a sign of good fortune. This feeling is a great blessing from Allah. Sin does not distance one from Allah; rather, the memory of sin prevents one from drawing close to Allah. This is because sin clouds the mind so much that it becomes incapable of thinking about the pure essence of Allah.

Whenever the burden of sins is felt, it becomes necessary to renew one’s life. Renewal means that one’s support is solely and completely in Allah Almighty. Renewal means that steps are taken, but their reliance is on Allah. After renewal, pray: “O Lord, today I have taken the first step for renewal; now, with Your mercy, come ten steps toward me as You have promised.” Believe that when you take one step, Allah’s mercy will come a hundred steps toward you.

If ever in life you feel that you have wronged someone and that you should not have done so, immediately go to that person and ask for forgiveness. This is also a form of renewal.

Your Personality and Your Career

If you choose your work according to your personality and natural abilities, you will never have to “work” a day in your life; instead, you will simply be fulfilling your passion. The fulfillment of this passion will be enough to meet your financial and worldly needs.

Take a moment to remember your time in the fourth or fifth grade. What was it that would make you wake up early in the morning? What did you love doing the most? Where and how did you spend most of your day? What activities would engage you so deeply that you’d lose track of time? You were so engrossed in those activities that you felt at the peak of your focus and interest.

You may not be able to explain exactly how this happened, but there was definitely some activity that gave you a sense of inner peace while doing it. This was true happiness, gained because the work was in harmony with your personality and natural abilities. Although you did it unconsciously, you found yourself, and in return, Allah granted you this happiness.

Have you ever watched children playing? Children are so absorbed in their own world, unaware of their surroundings. Their actions clearly show what they enjoy and what they don’t. This is the time when they are unknowingly planting the seeds for their future based on their natural talents. Little girls play house or doll weddings, and boys race toy cars or play sports. These activities are an expression of their personalities. Yet, adults rarely consider what career might be best for them based on these early expressions. Children do these things because they have not yet felt the pressure from their parents about what they should or shouldn’t do. No teacher has yet discouraged them from any activities.

That’s why there is a saying: if you want to rediscover your intelligence, go back to your childhood. As children, we mostly used our natural skills and talents. Sit in solitude and reflect on your childhood—on those times when you did everything you wanted without fear. Then, ask yourself: if I didn’t have to worry about earning money or the fear of failure, what would I love to do?

Conclusion

What Can You Offer the World?

Our abilities and skills are of no use until they benefit the world. In human history, only those individuals have been regarded as intelligent, wise, and successful who, after discovering their personality and natural talents, used those talents to benefit the world. Therefore, after discovering yourself, your next major task should be to reflect on this question: “How can I use my abilities to benefit humanity?”

In the first stage, when you explore your personality, you find the source of true happiness. In the second stage, when you start contributing to the world, this happiness begins to multiply many times over. Ask yourself, “How can I meet the needs of the world?” When you find the answer to this question, you will realize that you are living your life with a purpose. This realization will energize you, and you will be ready to face life’s challenges with joy and enthusiasm.

So, reflect on what you want to offer the world. What changes do you wish to bring about in this world? How can your abilities serve humanity? Often, during school or college days, such questions seem boring. Additionally, we often don’t realize our talents and interests until we actually start doing something.

FAQs.